My Gift to Him song

I wrote this song and my son, Josh is the vocals.

Thanks for your support!

Sorry no posts in a while.  I am finishing up my Computer Science degree and I am writing a book - much of which is coming from this blogspot.  I will try to post some of those excerpts here.  Thanks for all of you who have been following and those who come across my site.

Completely Unworthy Me!

I am just starting to see some tremendous blessings in several aspects of my life, the kind that come after a trial, and yet I feel completely unworthy of them!  I feel that my trials have changed me and not all for good.  Experiencing first hand pain so deep that death has been longed for, my perspective on life has changed.  Where I used to be completely optimistic even in my challenges, now any little thing that might be negative can at times bring me great fear!  I feel as though I am not faithful enough to deserve any blessings from God.  Several months ago, I experienced healing and while I felt normal again for many weeks, I wasn’t able to hold on to it. (see Turning our Captivity: Lessons from Job 3 post)  I have felt that I wasn’t worthy enough and that somehow it was my own doing.  Challenges have come from every side and in every aspect of my life.  It has felt overwhelming; faith and hope have been hard to come by.  Life has felt to be something I must endure and not enjoy!  In Hebrews 11, it talks much about faith; by faith the prophets had many blessings and worked mighty miracles. 

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

If I don’t even have hope because of the things I see, then I by definition it seems I don’t have faith.  It would also stand to logic that without that faith, I wouldn’t see the blessings and miracles that come by faith.  I honestly have felt like a complete failure even to the point of feeling that I have nothing to offer in even continuing my blog (thus the 2 months of no postings).  But if I really look carefully at Hebrews 11, I can see that again I have another false belief that I must put death (see Death and Resurrection Principle post).

Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

Faith is not about a hope of what life will bring, faith is a belief in Christ.  I realize that even though I do not know what my future holds and I may even fear what it might, I believe that God is guiding it.  My worries for my future have not affected my belief in my Savior and his ability to bless me.  My fears have also not stopped me from seeking him in prayer and in scripture study.  I also realize that none of us are worthy for any blessing and that my unworthiness though different that yours is still unworthiness.  In the past I have some really terrible expectations of God.  I “expected” that if I followed him and lived my life right, that he would bless me.  I look back on that presumption and I see no humility; as if my works somehow were earning me blessings. 

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God

I have always felt my “works” (or actions) are important.  If I really love God then my actions will show it by keeping his commandments (John14:15).  I think this has led me to feel that when I love God by action as he has commanded, that I become worthy and that then things will work for my good and that he will be a “rewarder” of me.  I still believe my actions are important for it is the way I show my gratitude and love for him and my actions define me as a Christian, but I know it is only his grace that rewards me.  My actions can never earn me anything!   So I guess what it all boils down to is that I am completely unworthy but his grace is sufficient even for me if I but have faith by believing in Him and diligently seeking him.  I am grateful for a loving Savior that rewards a completely unworthy me!

My Responsibility to Others

Understanding two seemingly contradictory scriptures teaches me an amazing lesson on my responsibility to others.

Deuteronomy 5:9-10 …for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments.

Ezekiel 18:19-20 Yet say ye, Why? doth not the son bear the iniquity of the father? When the son hath done that which is lawful and right, and hath kept all my statutes, and hath done them, he shall surely live. 20 The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him.

One scripture tells us that the iniquity of one is punished through many generations another tells us that the father is not responsible for the iniquity of the son, neither the son responsible for the iniquity of the father.  What I think these are saying is that when one man is unrighteous, he does not teach his children properly and thus one man can lead many generations astray; each man bearing the responsibility for his own wickedness.  On the other hand, when a son has done what is lawful and right, he does not bear the iniquity of his father. 

Ezekiel 18:26 When a righteous man turneth away from his righteousness, and committeth iniquity, and dieth in them; for his iniquity that he hath done shall he die. 27Again, when the wicked man turneth away from his wickedness that he hath committed, and doeth that which is lawful and right, he shall save his soul alive. 

Although we all are responsible for our own choices whether righteous or wicked, there does seem to be a responsibility for others. It seems to me that a man who turns to or from righteousness not only affects himself but his children and his children’s children.  While an individual bears responsibility for his own actions, I think a person who turns away from righteousness has some responsibility for the chain reaction he/she sets in motion .  Ezekiel 26:20, tells us that when a son is righteous, no longer does he bear the iniquity of the father  (he has been righteous in spite of that bad example of his father) and no longer does the father bear the iniquity of the son (the son has broken the chain of the fathers wickedness).  The son’s good choices not only will affect his children and his children’s children, but it also seems to affect his father as well.  His father no longer bears the responsibility of many generations lost because of his son’s faithfulness.

What this teaches me is that I have a responsibility to others; not only to my children but to those around me that I might influence for good or bad.  Just as my example to my children and what I teach them can affect many generations, can my influence on others have the same affect?  When someone has wronged me, do I easily forgive or do I hold on to a grudge.  Would my example of forgiveness and love change another’s heart and another’s path for good?  What of my bad example?  Is what I profess to be, a Christian, consistent with the example of Christ?  Would another who does not share my beliefs or who is not strong in their faith be inspired by me or would my example turn them away from Him?  How many generations might be affected by the changing of one heart?

If we are all here on earth with the same goal to live with God in heaven, then it seems that part of my responsibility is to help others get there.  If God is the God of the spirits of all flesh (Num 16:22) then we are all brothers and sisters of that same God.

Malachi 2:10 Have we not all one father? hath not one God created us? why do we deal treacherously every man against his brother… ?

When I judge, criticize, withhold forgiveness, or am offended, I am doing nothing to help my brother or sister return to our father, in fact my example or actions may even hinder them.  I have thought much on this concept and how it applies to me.  When someone offends me intentionally or not, it is hard not to be offended yet there is something that tells me that if I truly loved my neighbor, I would be more concerned about their soul than the offense given.  If I gave back love in return for offense, how many hearts would that soften?  If I truly worried about my example as a Christian, in how many ways would I be different? 

Luke 12:48 But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.

I feel I have been given much; a testimony of Christ, a love for the scriptures, and a knowledge that God loves me.  I feel in my heart that the Lord expects more of me!

My Gift to Him!

We are a society of gift givers.  We give gifts on Christmas, birthdays, weddings, baby showers, mother’s day, father’s day, and more.  I think that the main purpose for gift giving is to show love and appreciation for others.  My daughter one year put a lot of thought into a gift for her friend and it cost more than what she would normally spend on a birthday gift.  At the party, it ended up that there was no time to open gifts and they were opened later after the guests went home.  My daughter never heard from this friend whether she liked her gift or not.  It was disappointing for her to not feel appreciated for a gift that had so much thought and even a bit of sacrifice put into it.  

I think this is how the Savior feels about his gift to us.  I think he is disappointed when we take his gift for granted and don’t show our love and appreciation for him.  He sacrificed everything for us not only in his death but in living a life completely void of his own will.  When we are truly grateful to the Lord for his gift to us, we show it by the way we live!

1 John 5:3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.

When we really understand and really appreciate the gift he has given us, not only do we do the things he has asked us, but we do them happily.  The commandments he gives us are not grievous because they are the “least we can do” for him!  A song I wrote a few years ago shares the essence of this idea.

My Gift to Him

©2007

Verse One

How do I give to someone

Who gives me every thing

My life and my possessions

And the air I breathe

How do I find that “some thing”

For the creator of the world

For anything I have to give

I have received from Him.

Verse Two

How do I show that someone

That I really care

When anything that I can do

Can’t compare

He shows me how He cares

With perfect charity

No matter what I choose to do

His love’s unchanged for me

Chorus

My Gift to Him

Is to make the right choice

My Gift to Him

Is to hearken to His voice

My Gift to Him

Is to give all of myself

The only gift I have to give is my will.

My Gift to Him

Verse Three

How do I tell that someone

“Thanks for all you’ve done

Without you I am lost,

And wandering”

“You gave your perfect life

You held back not a thing

Your heart, might, mind and strength

You Sacrificed for Me”

Chorus

My Gift to Him

Is to make the right choice

My Gift to Him

Is to hearken to His voice

My Gift to Him

Is to give all of myself

The only gift I have to give is my will.

My Gift to Him

Our will is really the only gift we have to offer the Lord in return for his sacrifice.  He has given us our lives.  He has provided an earth that we live on and everything we have comes from the earth; our homes, clothing, possessions…   The only true possession that is fully ours to give is how we choose to live our lives.

Matthew 16: 24-25 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

The phrase “deny himself” to me seems to indicate denying my will and the phrase “lose his life” means to give up what I want for him just as he gave up all his wants for me.  I really want my life to always be happy and easy.  I have to realize that muscle is built through resistance and accept those hard things and look for the growth that occurs with appreciation for what he is making me.  I need to be happy with the body, possessions, and talents I have been given as a gift from Him and not envy others. If I have more than others, I should feel the obligation to share with others what really isn’t mine in the first place.  Instead of a prayer that states, “This is what I need,” my prayer should ask “What is it that you feel I need?”  Instead of “take this hard thing away,” it should be “help me to accept this hard thing and have patience until you see fit to take it away.” 

All of this isn’t easy for me and I know I will never be perfect at giving up my will for him but I know that if I try I that when he comes again I will know him and he will know me!

1 John 2:3 And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments.

John 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.

God Doesn't Intend for Me to Be a Perfect Parent

I learned a valuable lesson recently while traveling on a choir trip as a chaperone for my oldest son’s choir.  To put it mildly, the choir teacher was a cranky old lady that had a habit of regularly yelling at the kids and was not big on compliments.  My first reaction was to complain to the school but I didn’t feel that would be the right thing to do.  After the choir trip, I asked my son about his teacher.  His words were, “I love Ms. _____!”  I was shocked by his response.  He did admit that in his junior year he was afraid of her, but in his current senior year he has made it his job to make this teacher smile.  He isn’t always successful, but this effort towards his teacher has helped him to love her.  He has become able to look past her flaws and see the wonderful parts in her; the amazing things she brings out in her choir and the softness under the outer gruffness. 

The mother bear instinct in me wanted to protect my son and these kids that I grew to love over our 5 day trip.  What my son taught me is that he didn’t need protecting.  In fact, if I had been more aware of his fear of this teacher in his junior year and tried to protect him, I would have done him a great disservice!  What I have come to realize is that my children were put here on this earth to learn and grow through their challenges just as I learn through mine.  The normal reaction to protect my children is important in some situations like protecting them from physical harm or abuse, but much of the time I think I need to step back.  

Hebrews 12:10-11 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peacable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

In order to raise “righteous” kids they need opposition in their lives.  The hardest things in our lives are the things that refine and purify both me and my children.  

Malachi 3:3 And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness.

One thing that really helps me put my children’s struggles in perspective is looking back on my own struggles.  My childhood was not easy; it was filled with abandonment, rejection, and uncertainty.  I look back at those things and I can see specifically how those things made me a better parent and person.  It gives me confidence that my children’s struggles will do the same for them.  

This idea also takes away a lot of guilt; I don’t have to be a perfect parent.  In fact if I was, it would hinder my children’s progress in righteousness.  Because of my own childhood, I have really tried to make sure my kids don’t have to struggle with the same things I did. One of the things I have felt most strongly about is raising them in an atmosphere where they can gain their own personal testimonies of the Savior.  This is the foundation they need to get through their trials in life and be happy.  When they know in their hearts that God lives and they feel the joy of doing right, it guides their choices.

I have done a lot of good things with my kids like weekly family night, daily family scripture study, scripture memorization, and daily family prayer but I have failed in some areas.  I had 6 kids in 9 years. Most good Christian parents teach their children to say their prayers at bedtime.  Being so exhausted by the end of the day, this practice was “hit and miss”.  Sometimes I feel a lot of guilt that I have not trained them better in that area but I have been very lucky.  I have teenagers with testimonies of their own and who act accordingly.  Some of my children pray every night on their own accord.   A couple of years ago, my children turned to praying, fasting, and personal scripture reading in the biggest challenge our family has ever faced.

I feel that through the grace of Christ, my weaknesses as a parent have been made up in some of these areas.  I believe he makes up for my parenting weaknesses on my children’s behalf. 

2 Corinthians 12 9-10 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

It takes away so much guilt to know that I don’t have to be a perfect parent.  To know that Christ’s grace is sufficient for me, not only as a sinner but as a parent.  To also realize that the process of turning my weaknesses into strengths takes time and that some of my parenting was done with those normal weaknesses intact.  We can all look back and see things we did wrong in the past and would probably do different today.  This is OK!  This is part of God’s plan for our children; to help them grow through their adversity, even if their adversity is sometimes me!  God doesn’t intend for me (or my spouse) to be perfect a parent! 

Justification of Life!

In celebration of Easter, I wanted to focus on some thoughts on the Resurrection of the Savior.  I have always seen two parts to the Atonement of Christ. (see Who Am I to Judge Another blog post) Through the fall of Adam sin and death came into the world, but Christ overcame both.  

First, Christ saves us from the condemnation of the first death or physical death.  Without the resurrection, we would be condemned.  This is a free gift to all.  

 1 Corinthians 15:21-22 For since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.

Romans 5:18 Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life. 

Second, Christ saves us from the second death or spiritual death.  Without Christ’s intervention for us, we would all be made sinners.  This gift is given on conditions set by the Savior.

Romans 5:19  For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.

 Revelations 2:11  He that overcometh shall not be hurt of the second death. (see also Rev 20:14)

It is interesting to me that in order to return to God, not only do we need to be free from sin through Christ, but we also need a body.  In 1 Corinthians chapter 15, it talks much about the need for a resurrection.

1 Corinthians 15:13, 18-19 But if there be no resurrection of the dead… Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.  If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.

This is a concept that I have not really understood; why would not having a body condemn us and make us miserable?  Recently, I was doing a study on the after-life with a good non-denominational Christian friend.  She has suffered with some huge losses in her family and wanted to REALLY know what comes after death through a thorough study of what the Bible says.  In this study, I have come across a lot of interesting things that seem to hint at some answers to my questions. 

One of the first interesting points that I fell upon was that Christ did not ascend to his Father until AFTER he was resurrected.  Mary Magdalene was the first to see Jesus right after he was resurrected; she was commanded to not touch him yet.  When Jesus appeared to the apostles, he had apparently ascended to his Father because he tells them to touch him. 

John 20:17 17 Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.

Luke 24:39 Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.

Christ was perfect!  Could he not ascend or did he not ascend?  The answer to this would be a personal opinion, but it really appears to me that he could not, because it also seems that we will not be presented to the father until we are “raised up” or resurrected. 

2 Corinthians 4:14 Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.

The reason I believe we are presented to God is so that we can be judged.   The righteous will be resurrected at the coming of Christ (1 Thes4:14) and the judgment will not happen until he comes (1 Timothy 4:1).  Thus it seems that we will have resurrected bodies at the time we are judged. 

2 Corinthians 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.

There are two things that stand out in this scripture.  Even though we must meet certain conditions to be saved from the second death, the ”justification of life” (or  resurrection) is a free gift.  If resurrection is necessary in order to return to God and be judged, then it would make a lot of sense that even the wicked need resurrection in order to be receive their judgment.  The other thing that stands out is that every person will “receive the things done in his(her) body.”  In 1 Peter 4:6 it tells us that we are judged according to our deeds in the flesh.  It appears that we are judged according to the flesh and we are rewarded (or punished) in the flesh as well.

 John 5:29 And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.

I also think that the phrase “justification of life” is very telling.  To justify is to show, act, or claim to be just or right.  It is almost as if this phrase is saying that life through the resurrection allows us to be justified through judgment.  I think that this, the importance of being judged is the very reason we need to be resurrected.  Without judgment there would be no punishment or reward.  Maybe the idea that God could not reward us is the condemnation that would come upon us if there were no resurrection.  Maybe this is why we would be men and women most miserable!  I would love your own Biblical thoughts and comments as I feel this is only scratching the surface of this concept!

Turning our Captivity: Lessons from Job 3

There is one more point in this whole story of Job that I want to get into.  It is probably my favorite point of all; blessings follow the trial.  I have always believed that if I remain faithful through my trials (Proverbs 28:20) with clean hands and a pure heart (Psalms 24:4) that the Lord will turn my curse (trial) into a blessing (Deut 23:5).  (see My Soul is Weary of Life post)  I also believe that the greater the trial, the greater the blessing that can follow.  Job’s enormous blessing of receiving twice that he had once had followed an equally enormous trial.  

	Before	After
sheep	7,000	14,000
camels	3,000	6,000
oxen	500	1,000
asses	500	1,000
sons	7	7
daughters	3	3

His earthly possessions were doubled on earth; sheep, camels, oxen, asses.  What about his children?  I think if we look at it in terms of his eternal posterity, his posterity was doubled.  The latter blessing would not fully be realized until the next life.  Such it is with us, our blessings are partially earthly and partially heavenly and much may not be seen until the next life.  

One thing I realized in reading Job is that his blessing did not come automatically; he had to do a couple of things to earn it.  In my first blog post Searching for Healing, I considered the scriptural perspective of healing and being forgiven as being synonymous.  The story of Job further demonstrates this principle.  

Job 42:6 Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.

Before the Lord turned Job’s “cursing” or “captivity” into a blessing, one of the things Job does is to repent.  As I detailed in my Searching for Healing post, our trials can bring with it negative emotions that can lead us to sin.  For example, envy for someone who has it better than us, anger at those who have wronged us, or anger at God for letting this happen to us.  Although Job never became angry at God nor ever blamed him, we know he wanted to die and that he cursed the day he was born.  It could have also been that he had to forgive his supposed friends; they came to comfort him but instead afflicted him with their judgments and lack of empathy.  They believed that he must have done something to deserve his lot and that it was his own fault he suffered.  It is so interesting to me that it was not until he prayed for these “friends” that the blessings came. 

Job 42:10 And the Lord turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.

This is such a HUGE realization to me that in order for me to receive the blessing, I must pray for my enemies.  I say enemies because these friends did not act as friends.  Jesus taught that we should pray for our enemies and the story of Job tells us that this is the way our “curse” turns into a “blessing.”   So, whether we are to pray for the person who caused our trial, judged us in our trial, or someone completely unrelated to our trial, to me it seems the key to blessings.  

There are some people that may be very hard to pray for because their acts are so hard to forgive.  I think it can take years and years to forgive some horrendous things.  My personal feeling is that we pray for the ability to forgive and open our hearts until forgiveness comes; I believe forgiveness is a gift from God and does not come naturally to carnal man (Romans 8:7-8).  Our prayers for an enemy can be as simple as please help me to forgive and no longer harbor bad feelings for this person.  I think those prayers can evolve to, please help me see this person as you see them and learn to love them. 

I was not going to add this and I am a little leery to do it, but it has hit me very hard that this principle has worked in my life exactly as I have just written and I am just coming to the realization at this moment.  A week and a half ago, I had an amazing experience.  Since then, I have felt renewed and have become completely asymptomatic in my trauma related disorders.  It has felt like a miracle to me!  The morning before this happened, I was praying out of concern for my inability to fully love someone I had been wronged by; the person that was the cause of my emotional trauma.  I read something that morning that made me feel that my enemy was in my hands and that I had a choice of how to deal with this person.  I knew that a certain choice would cause major pain to this person but I felt that I would be justified by God.  My instantaneous reaction was that I loved this person and that I could not hurt them; my heart was fully turned to them.   I then prayed for myself and that person; this was one of many similar prayers over the last two plus years but my heart was different.  It was about 16 hours later that I experienced what I feel was my miracle. 

Perfect and Upright... ya right: Lessons From Job 2

The second lesson Job has taught me is that I don’t have to be “perfect” to be “perfect and upright before the Lord.”  When I think of the word perfect, I think of dictionary[i] definitions such as these:

1.       Conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type

2.       Entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings.

3.       Thorough, complete, utter

A dictionary definition of upright[ii] is “adhering to rectitude[iii] (rightness of principle or conduct; moral virtue); righteous, honest, or just.”  Job, a mortal man is clearly not perfectly righteous or upright for all are under sin and not one is righteous.

Romans 3:9-12 What then? are we better than they? No, in no wise: for we have before proved both Jews and Gentiles, that they are all under sin; 10 As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: 11 There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. 12 They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one

None of us are without flaws and none of us conform absolutely to God’s law.  None of us are righteous or perfect!  It is just a fact.  I think the key phrase here is, “before the Lord.”  Job cannot by definition be perfect and upright but through Christ both he and we can be made righteous and perfect in Christ.  

Romans 5:19 For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.

Colossians 1:28 Whom we preach, warning every man, and teaching every man in all wisdom; that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus

Think of a full glass of water representing perfection.   We spend our life trying to fill our cup with drops that represent our uprightness in keeping the commandments.  Unfortunately though we fall short of righteousness and with each mistake a drop of water is taken from our cup.  It becomes impossible for us to fill up this cup of water and perfection by us can never be reached.  But if we are “before the Lord” Christ fills up the rest of our cup for us; thus by him we are made righteous and in him we are made perfect.  This is what I think was meant when the Lord referred to Job as “perfect and upright.”  He did his best to fill his cup with drops of water and relied on Christ to fill up the rest.

Job alone could never be perfect or upright.  He had to be before the Lord in order for this to happen.  I think of being before the Lord as having Christ on my team.  When Christ is on my team no matter how many runs short I come to winning my game, Christ comes in and scores enough home runs to put our team over the top.  The question then becomes, “what qualified Job to have Christ on his team?”  There are two things that stand out to me; the first is found in the second part of the Lord’s description Job.

Job 1:1 There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil.

Job feared God and abstained from or eschewed evil.  My personal feeling on “fearing God” is not that we should be afraid of God but that we should care what he thinks over what man thinks; we are to fear God rather than fear man.

Psalms 118:6 The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?

When we give into peer pressure, make choices based on what will make us look better in others eyes, or seek popularity at whatever cost, we fear man and not God.  Sometimes following God is not the popular thing to do and sometimes we just care more what people think than we care what God thinks.  When we do this, we are not choosing Christ’s team.  A good example of someone who didn’t choose the right team was Pilate.  Jesus was brought to him before he was crucified, but Pilate could find no fault in him.  Pilate wanted to release Jesus but instead of doing something unpopular, he let the people decide a prisoner to be released.  Pilate was more worried about what the people thought than what God thought.  He is an example of someone who did not fear God and as a consequence allowed an evil act to occur.  I think this is what is meant by the kind of person Job was.  He was more concerned about doing the right thing (being upright) as opposed to the popular thing.   Job always chose Christ’s team!

The second thing that stands out to me about Job was his ability to recognize his weakness and repent. 

Job 42:6 Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.

Although Job feared God and shunned evil, he certainly made mistakes.  These mistakes are the things that keep us from being saved and keep us from having Jesus on our team.

1 Peter 4:18 And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?

I think that just as our sins keep Christ from being on our team, repentance is the thing that allows us to continue with him.  If I were to define righteousness before the Lord, my personal definition would not be “one who does not make mistakes” but “one who consistently repents of his mistakes.”  In order to have Christ as my teammate, it seems to me that I have to care more about what he thinks than what others think; I have to really want to do right and shun evil.  But even with these great desires, I am never going to fill that darn cup.  As hard as I try, I lose drops on a daily basis.  In order to keep Jesus on my team, I have got to repent continuously.   If I do this then I too can be considered perfect through him!  What a concept!  Truly we do not yet appear as we shall be for he intends to make us perfect!

 1 John 3:2 Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.

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[i] perfect. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved April 15, 2011, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/perfect

[ii] upright. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved April 17, 2011, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/upright

[iii] rectitude. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved April 17, 2011, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/rectitude

My Soul is Weary of Life: Lessons from Job 1

I have harbored some guilt in the way I have handled myself in my hardest of afflictions.  For months I lay in bed and was completely unable to cope with life.  Life seemed so painful that I wished to cease to exist; I even wondered why God had not just taken me at the birth of my youngest child instead of miraculously saving my life (see Searching for Healing post).  I struggled with intense emotions of hate, anger, grief, and depression.  I have always believed that if I remain faithful through my trials (Proverbs 28:20) with clean hands and a pure heart (Psalms 24:4) that the Lord will turn my curse (trial) into a blessing (Deut 22:5).  I didn’t think that my current emotions and actions (or lack of) showed faithfulness or purity.  I felt that somehow I should be “happily” bearing my burden instead of bemoaning it.  I was convinced that any blessing that could eventually come my way was certainly lost.  I have come to realize that I had yet another belief that needed to die and be resurrected (see Death & Resurrection Principle post). 

My first realization that this idea was false came from reading Job.  Job was considered a “perfect and upright man” by the Lord and yet during his trial he wished he was never born, he no longer wanted to live, and he was completely weighed down with pain, misery, and grief to the point that he could not cope.

Job 3:1-3,11-13 After this opened Job his mouth, and cursed his day. 2 And Job spake, and said, 3 Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived.  11 Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly? 12 Why did the knees prevent me? or why the breasts that I should suck? 13 For now should I have lain still and been quiet, I should have slept: then had I been at rest,

Job 10:1,16-18 My soul is weary of my life;… 18 Wherefore then hast thou brought me forth out of the womb? Oh that I had given up the ghost, and no eye had seen me! 19 I should have been as though I had not been; I should have been carried from the womb to the grave. 20 Are not my days few? cease then, and let me alone, that I may take comfort a little,

Job 3:20-26 Wherefore is light given to him that is in misery, and life unto the bitter in soul; 21 Which long for death, but it cometh not; and dig for it more than for hid treasures; 22 Which rejoice exceedingly, and are glad, when they can find the grave? 23 Why is light given to a man whose way is hid, and whom God hath hedged in? 24 For my sighing cometh before I eat, and my roarings are poured out like the waters. 25 For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. 26 I was not in safety, neither had I rest, neither was I quiet; yet trouble came.

Job 6:2-4 Oh that my grief were throughly weighed, and my calamity laid in the balances together!  3 For now it would be heavier than the sand of the sea: therefore my words are swallowed up. 4 For the arrows of the Almighty are within me, the poison whereof drinketh up my spirit: the terrors of God do set themselves in array against me.

Job 2:11,13 Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; …13 So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.

Job felt very similar emotions to mine and not only was he still worthy of blessing, he was still considered righteous by the Lord.  I think this is because the negative emotion is the affliction.   In fact, in the very moment that negative emotions leaves, a trial or adversity ceases to be such.  Affliction is defined as a state of pain, distress, grief, or misery.  If God were to take all of the negative emotion from me, by definition I would no longer have an affliction or trial.  How could Job be tried if the Lord wiped out all the emotion and hardships associated with his trial?  It was by the things Christ suffered that he learned obedience (Hebrews 5:8) and it is by the things we suffer that we too learn obedience.  God doesn’t take away our trials or all of the emotions that go with it because he wants us to become something.  He is trying to purify us and make us more like him.  He wants to glorify us with him.

Zechariah 13: 9 And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The Lord is my God.

1 John 3:2 Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.

Romans 8:17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.  

It is through our suffering we become refined and purified as gold and silver.  Negative emotions or afflictions are necessary in this purification process.  I recognize that I do have need of repentance for some of the emotion and action (see Searching for Healing post) but I also recognize that the affliction or negative emotion is making me into what God would have me be.  It almost seems like a “Catch-22”; we need to sin (have affliction or negative emotion) to be better but if we become weighted down by sin we can’t progress.  This leads to the need for the atonement of Jesus Christ; his suffering, death, and resurrection.  God has provided a way for me to learn and grow through my mistakes and to become stronger through my weaknesses; his plan is perfect!  My ability to repent and find forgiveness through him not only makes me worthy of future blessings but also allows me to become something that I could not become on my own.  Am I proud of how I handled myself in my most severe afflictions?  Not really, but I know that I am much stronger because of them!